Thursday, December 17, 2009

Roughing the Puss-Puss...Fifteen yards from the spot of the foul

According to the Raleigh News & Observer, NCSU coach Tom O'Brien publicly took exception to UNC head coach Butch Davis' account of the postgame misbehavior of UNC's Dante Paige-Moss.  The Obscurer's Ken Tysiac claimed that O'Brien telephoned "a reporter" to voice his umbrage.  At the N&O today, there's a video of the incident.  Yep, I watched it.

Davis had said that Paige-Moss shoved a player who was taunting him.  In the video, it does appear that the Wusspack players might have been barking and taunting, but certainly none of it specifically in Moss-Paige's face.  It is clear, however, that DPM (that's much better than typing out all that hyphen-stuff) took a swipe at the NCSU player.  And I'm not talking about the kind of "Oh yeah, well here's something for you to yap about about" cold-cock, knuckle-sammich-shot to the mouth.  No.  DPM, still wearing his brain-bucket, took a half-ass slap at the (helmetless) State player while ducking away.  Three words:


I still say that you can't take any man seriously who has a hyphenated last name.  Maybe that's part of DPM's problem.  Maybe, having a hyphenated name makes you a sort-of-hyphenated man.  Note to American men: Do not let your son grow up with a hyphenated last name.  Pick a fuckin' name.  If your wife is manly enough to demand that her name is worth keeping, and if you can't squelch the hyphen nonsense, rather than permanently display your lack of man-card, just go ahead and acquiesce completely to her name.  At least do your kid that favor.  Seriously, he'd be better off with a name like "Sue."  And if you're that kid, who might someday have his name written on the back of his jersey in front a gazillion people, it's time for you to man up, too.  Once you turn 18, go on down to the courthouse, and get yourself undashed.

How wormy do your have to be, as a man, to let that happen?  What's next...your name is Smith, and her name is Smith, so in deference to both your families you decide to name your little demon spawn Smith-Smith?  Or, how about this: Both of you might change your names to Smuh-to-the-ith.  Spelled out and super-hyphenated, just like that.  Puh-to-thuh-thetic, I say.

O'Brien's motivation is clear: Keep controversy stirred up, because without a bowl of their own, there's not really anything for him do regarding his current players.  But the implication that his players were blameless in the whole episode is pretty much just as pansyfied as DPM's slappy-run play.  And not a single ounce more justifiable.  If you believe Tommy O-to-the-B, his little angel was just mindin' his own bidness.  But if you look at his quote a bit skeptically, you figure (like I do) that it's just more taunting.  Which is fine by me, so long as you stand up there and do it, instead of pretending it ain't what it is.

I wish Davis had said, "In addition to suspending him for our bowl game, I showed Dante Puss-Puss a video of (Carolina Hurricanes defenseman) Tim Gleason as an example of how to fight like a man.  Further, we've instructed him that if he can't win on the football field, he'd better get used to some taunting, and that slappy-run plays are the modus operandi of O'Brien's gang, not ours."

One small victory in that whole mess?  Could be that this guy, Marvin (unhyphenated) Austin, who doesn't seem to like the 'Pack' so much and plays his best games against them, might decide that beating those taunters is reason enough to stick around Chapel Hill another year, instead of going to the NFL.

This just good friend Kurt (unhyphenated, but a State fan) just called to say he's pretty sure that this post constitutes yet another pass-interference penalty, which will be assessed on the Tar Heels' first play from scrimmage in the Meineke Bowl.

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