Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Cavewoman Poll v2

On a recent cross-country train trip, I was seated next to the E*Trade baby.  He says to me, "Dude, can you puree livermush?"

And I'm like, "What?"

And he says, "You are the livermush guy, right?"

Me: Yeah, but you're on teevee.  You're the E*Trade baby.  Everybody knows you.  You're famous...I just have a well-written and very clever blog.

ETB (enthusiastically): Yeah, well, I'm famous, but I wouldn't be much of an E*Trade baby if I lived in a cave, with nothing more than a dirty diaper.  I have to stay on top of trends, you know?

Me: That makes sense.  Thanks for noticing.

ETB: Speaking of living in a cave, it's time to bring back the cavewoman poll.

Me: You noticed that, too?

ETB: Dude, where do you think all your site traffic comes from, adults?  And here's an idea for you: intead of regular actresses this time, how about using other recognizable TV personalities?

At this time, the E*Trade baby had to go back to the dining car for a meeting with his publicist.  But, I promised to get his management folks a sample of pureed livermush and work up a new CW poll per his recommendations.

Tallying the responses from the last cavewoman poll was daunting.  And we had our share of voter fraud, as you might have expected.  Talk about some hanging chads.  All I'm going to say rule: one vote per crib.

The overwhelmingly popular choice from poll #1 was Scarlett Johansson.  Or maybe that was just my choice regardless of the popular vote, I don't quite remember.

Here's the premise: I've got a wheelbarrow full of cash, and I want to do a remake of One Million Years BC.  Who shall I cast in the leading role (Raquel Welch's Loana)?

Last go 'round, the choices included several big-name Hollywood actresses that any filmgoer would recognize.  This time, however, to mix it up a bit, let's limit the casting call to females employed (on air) by the Fox News/ Fox Business channels.

Those of you who never stray far from your local news numbnuts may not be particularly familiar with this collection of talent.  And if you haven't yet considered how Juliet Huddy or Courtney Friel might fill out a loincloth, now's your chance to free your imagination.

My short-list casting call might include, but not be limited to:
Courtney Friel
Shannon Bream
Sandra Smith*
Juliet Huddy
Megyn Kelly (although she's a lawyer and not a real person, I know there are folks who like her)
Gretchen Carlson
Tracy Byrnes
Alisyn Camerota
Shibani Joshi*
Nicole Petallides*

*Fox Business Network...If you don't get it.  Demand it!

Feel free to write in anyone I've missed in the comments, and I'll launch the poll in the next week or so.  All comments should be respectful to both the newsbabes persons and especially the first most-perfect cavewoman, Ms. Welch.

Thanks for the advice, E*Trade Baby!


  1. left off Greta Van Susteren. (~_*)

    I watch Megyn Kelly every afternoon. She just announced she's gonna have another baby. Did you have anything to do with that?

  2. Not directly, no. Unless she could claim the paternity was some kind of immaculate reception event and cite Chuck Norris-like powers on my part.

    The closest "contact" I've had with Ms. Kelly, was in an elevator: I'd been scheduled for Imus' show (and got bumped--again), and she was arriving for work on her show. She wrote a phone number on a piece of paper and stressed it was her CELL-PHONE that could receive PHOTOS. She wouldn't quit calling me "Brett" and asking about "Little Brett."

    Weirded me out a bit.

    Greta's finer than frog hair, though.